Subject: “The doorbell just rang. It’s the UPS driver. He’s loading me onto the truck.”

In this email, you’re a UPS package getting delivered to your vacation destination. Ah, I wish UPS offered this service.

Example

Hey — you’ve reached my inbox, but hold on, the doorbell just rang. It’s the UPS driver. He’s loading me onto the truck. Dang, it’s stuffy in this truck with all these boxes. He’s taking me down to… Oh! Florida! And now I’m on the beach. Thanks, UPS driver!

The UPS driver is scheduled to pick me back up on the eighth. He should deliver me back to the office by the ninth (assuming he’s not late like he was this time).

Don’t worry — I’ll wrap myself in bubble wrap so nothing breaks.

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